Justin Timberlake is lookin' crusty.

i talk a big talk for someone who doesn't always follow it out.
i was on a drama team for cryin' out loud.
i know how to talk...
but do i know how to run?
i hear these grownings of youngish women of God
pouring out their hearts in broken abandoment and
trust
i hear them and i see them and they are being pulled
under by their dripping massacara and their mouths
are twisted in holy spirit(ual) words and they don't
know where to go from here
but they believe.
they believe with everything
that a dead man will walk
that he will suddenly feel the pulsating
of his heart and his eyes will open and he will see
and he will say
"My God is a healing God. A real and Vibrant God."
and they believe.

and i sit in steak and shake and i get these texts and phone calls
and i hear these words and i remeber. i remeber remeber rember
how big i talk and how often i walk.
and i step out in faith to pray for a lady
with breast cancer that God would heal her.
and i am encouraged.
and i am empowered.
and i believe.


if. and's. and but's are not important.
the importance is not in the "did He? will He? can He?"
the importance is in the faith dripping from eyelids
to fingertips. dropping to the knees of a broken few.
the knees of monstrouse faith.
it's the importance of The God.
that He is.
that He has been.
and that
He.
Will.
Always.
Be.

up a creek. in a creek. at the creek.

Sometimes when I think about God and his ultimate goodness and his ultimate love and just the ultimat-y of God I just don't even know..

He overwhelms me.
i mean literally washes
over me. and I'm drowning
in The God.

(Set Scene: Lakewood church. lights are dimmed. 5 kids. couple of adults. couple of pre-adult-adults. good'ol fashion Jesus Christo Music playin' over the speakers. couches.
Pre Service prayer has begun.)

I don't usually talk about my intimate God moments.
but i can't help it.
He overwhelmed me.
drowned me in Him.
laying on the floor.
tears streaming into my ears.
and I was lost in God.

No, no rushing winds. Or deeply imbeded shivers. No angel wings.
Just. The God.
and his heart for some students that come to the creek.
I was suddenly overwhelmed with a breaking of his heart for these few.
I don't know why.
but I know that I know
that I know
that God's heart was breaking for them.

He overwhelms me.
i can't explain these moments.
lost for words--usually.

....the point?

i'm overwhelmed.
i need more.
i crave it.
getting wet in the vastness of God isn't enough.
getting lost in "the gaze of his eyes, in the warmth of his smile"
isn't enough.


i. need. God.
in every area. in every season.
i need Him. to continually overwhelm and transform me.
to drown me in his love and push me out in his smile.
God's doing incredible things everywhere.
and he can..cause He's God.
I want more then the incredible.
I want the un-attainable.
the real.
I want to break the breaking point.



i want to be broken.
My prayer?
"God. break me."