I renounce my previous statement: JT is so not crusty.

(suit and tie).

I've got to get back into this writing THING.
lots to say and very little ways to say it??

I'd rap but.... I'm not sure the world is read for that.


I need a moment a big fat in your face God moment.

Hit me with your best shot. Slay me. Run me over.
Continue to humble me. Really, just put me on my face,
sit on me and don't let me get up until I've realized I am Nothing.

somehow... I've forgotten that.
I've forgotten that I need you,
that YOU hold me.



look at your eyes! their small in size... but they see such enormous things.

love. it is a freeing thing.

so free me of this love.
or bury me in it,
because this love
is killing me.

If this love is your love
then set me free--
release me from
these arms that hold me.
release me from this
troublesome sleep.

Oh God, free me from
my dreams--
they haunt me
with their
tell-all-sequence
and their
would be's.

release me from this
bond you spoke to me.
ten years I said I would wait.
I said I would pray.
I said I would hope
and love
watch
see
dance
run
laugh
and be..
ten years I said I would trust..

so release me from ME
so I can walk with you
and trust your word.
So I can lay
surrendered
on the ground
dying to myself.

love. it's a freeing thing.

when blood and water---

There's something in my spirit that resonates with the truth that Jesus..willfully sacrificed his LIFE whole-heartedly-without remorse-no turning back-questions asked-humbely---
because he LOVED
(ME) Ammi-El Sulieman.

I don't grasp it, I don't pretend to understand this, I don't even REALLY get why..because I don't get the full concept of love.

bizzar.
I know..
He LOVED so MUCH and so READILY that He gave HIMSELF.

From Ihop to my blog...

January 18th.
yeah couple weeks late...
Raw. No edits. Misspellin and all..



Crying and ripping at his garments
Father!! Save them!! Father!!!
Let there be light. That darkness would
Be overtaken by the truth of the light.
Oh Father that hearts would beat on your rhythems.
That hearts would be in tune with who you are!
Oh father that eyes would see you
That the arab nation would know you
That darkness would flee.
In knowledge and truth
In hope in love.
That they would know you
Over and over again I cry to you!!I cry to you for the lonely and depressed
For the hurting for the alone and separated.
For the un-deniably
DEAD.

And you said to me as you said to the prophet in the day of old..
Do the dry bones live??? Can they live????
Who am I oh God that you would ask such a thing?
Are you not God in heaven and on earth? Are you not Lord over the oceans?
Of course these dry bones can live.
Of course they can dance.
Of coursed they can.
Of course.

Daughter of man…breath life.
Speak life.
Be life.

…and he moves at the sound of our voices.

Rushing wind.
Flipping hearts from black to red.
From monotone beats
To classical compostions.
…a beatific vision overcame my mind
and I was wrapped in arms that hold closer then
any arms that ever where and ever will be.
I saw before me the ghettos rising up together
In one song
In one dance
In one moment

I saw the inner cities beating down the doors of hell
With their feet dancing on the graves of their grandfathers
On the graves of their mothers
On the graves of their brothers.
I saw them dancing in joy over those that had died
And I hear them shouting…
DRY BONES!!! DRY BONES!!!
THESE DRY BONES WE SPEAK INTO THEM
AND WE SPEAK LIFE!!! WE SPEAK JOY!!
WE SPEAK JESUS!!!

And I watched as they danced and praised God
And as one danced…two began to dance
And as two danced…four began to dance
And then four became eight
Till there was not one person standing still.
And as I watched the earth began to shake and the dirt began
To shift and arms reached for the Son..
And fingers grasped the roots of their past
And they wretched them from the fingers of their aggressors.
I saw young men and old women
Shaking the dirt from their hair as they laughed at victory
Unfolding before them like a picnic lunch on a perfect day.

Faces filled with the stank of life and the decay of depression
Became the face of a new reighn.
Of hope and perseverance.
Hundreds of feet shaking the gates of the city..
Hundreds of eyes streaming vision.
Streaming love. streaming Joy.

And I watched as graves began to fill with tears from heaven.
Tears of restoration and peace.
And it was as if God’s love became an ocean.





For a burden that will never leave. For a burden that only grows heavier for a heaviness that overwhelms and coughs up truth.
For a burden.
Is there peace.
Is here peace.
Is he peace?

old women move over

i'm hitting an age of what the juuuunk. girl you is OLD.
but i don't feel old. or maybe i've always felt old so old is just...six years old.
maturity is overrated. as far as silly goofy fun times goes.
there's an oppropriate action for every situation.
farting is funny when your with your friends.
it's not when your eating sushi.
laughing until your eyes leak is always appropriate,
in fact I recomend it.



i don't regret the things I can't change-I regret the things I can...but havn't.
and i havn't changed alot. i mean really. i am who i am. still. maybe i've grown up alil'? but really i still hold the same stupid habits.
so. just do it.
change.

boom. done.

i love people.
old.
young.
toodies.
black
white.
hispanic.
men.
women.

i love people.

i adapt to people.
i can be 5 with the 5 year old.
18 with the 18 year old.
22 with the 22's
63 with the 63's.

but i am never just always 22. i don't like to be seriouse. it bothers me.
when your with friends you shoud laugh and roll and be silly.
it's why you have friends. booooo getting old.
boo seriouseness. boo maturity.
boo.
boo.
boo.

what's the point to life? making money? getting famouse?
you come into this world naked
you will leave naked.

that's that.

Justin Timberlake is lookin' crusty.

i talk a big talk for someone who doesn't always follow it out.
i was on a drama team for cryin' out loud.
i know how to talk...
but do i know how to run?
i hear these grownings of youngish women of God
pouring out their hearts in broken abandoment and
trust
i hear them and i see them and they are being pulled
under by their dripping massacara and their mouths
are twisted in holy spirit(ual) words and they don't
know where to go from here
but they believe.
they believe with everything
that a dead man will walk
that he will suddenly feel the pulsating
of his heart and his eyes will open and he will see
and he will say
"My God is a healing God. A real and Vibrant God."
and they believe.

and i sit in steak and shake and i get these texts and phone calls
and i hear these words and i remeber. i remeber remeber rember
how big i talk and how often i walk.
and i step out in faith to pray for a lady
with breast cancer that God would heal her.
and i am encouraged.
and i am empowered.
and i believe.


if. and's. and but's are not important.
the importance is not in the "did He? will He? can He?"
the importance is in the faith dripping from eyelids
to fingertips. dropping to the knees of a broken few.
the knees of monstrouse faith.
it's the importance of The God.
that He is.
that He has been.
and that
He.
Will.
Always.
Be.

up a creek. in a creek. at the creek.

Sometimes when I think about God and his ultimate goodness and his ultimate love and just the ultimat-y of God I just don't even know..

He overwhelms me.
i mean literally washes
over me. and I'm drowning
in The God.

(Set Scene: Lakewood church. lights are dimmed. 5 kids. couple of adults. couple of pre-adult-adults. good'ol fashion Jesus Christo Music playin' over the speakers. couches.
Pre Service prayer has begun.)

I don't usually talk about my intimate God moments.
but i can't help it.
He overwhelmed me.
drowned me in Him.
laying on the floor.
tears streaming into my ears.
and I was lost in God.

No, no rushing winds. Or deeply imbeded shivers. No angel wings.
Just. The God.
and his heart for some students that come to the creek.
I was suddenly overwhelmed with a breaking of his heart for these few.
I don't know why.
but I know that I know
that I know
that God's heart was breaking for them.

He overwhelms me.
i can't explain these moments.
lost for words--usually.

....the point?

i'm overwhelmed.
i need more.
i crave it.
getting wet in the vastness of God isn't enough.
getting lost in "the gaze of his eyes, in the warmth of his smile"
isn't enough.


i. need. God.
in every area. in every season.
i need Him. to continually overwhelm and transform me.
to drown me in his love and push me out in his smile.
God's doing incredible things everywhere.
and he can..cause He's God.
I want more then the incredible.
I want the un-attainable.
the real.
I want to break the breaking point.



i want to be broken.
My prayer?
"God. break me."